Dear Diary

diary of sweet memories…

Have you ever wondered…

Filed under: diary — Lindzee at 4:03 am on Wednesday, October 15, 2014

Why do we have a government that would harvest an Ebola strain from a dying patient and then patent it like it was their own?

As a developed country, why do people still have to order medicine from Canada or Europe because medicine is unaffordable in the United States?

Why does the United States refuse to authorize generic brands of medications so people could actually afford medication?

Why does NIMH hide research conducted about effective alternative medicine strategies such as Vitamin C to drastically lessen flu symptoms in comparison to control groups but instead promote an anti-viral that does not really do anything unless you take the drug within the first 48 hours?  Even then, what good is it?

Why would my physician ask me if I have considered removing my nasal polyp when not even five minutes before, I told her that the polyp started growing back within a month when I removed it after my seventh grade year?

Why has healthcare become a multi-billion dollar industry which takes precedence over actually saving people’s lives?

Why does the CDC state they have things under control when people are brought into the United States and then not quarantined immediately thereafter, exposing numerous people to the deadly virus when folks are past the incubation stage into that of being contagious?

You tell me…


Give me a pat!

10/6/2014 5:37:21 PM

Filed under: diary — dogetty at 5:19 am on Tuesday, October 7, 2014

The Stages of Change

Stage 1 – Precontemplation

The earliest stage of change is known as precontemplation. Ignorance is bliss.

I pray to God to give me wisdom and forgive me for the things I do not see or understand.

During the precontemplation stage, people are not considering a change.

I know I am not perfect and that no one is, so I ask for courage to face a new beginning.

People in this stage are often described as “in denial” due to claims that their behavior is not a problem.

I also pray that what need change be brought to light.

If you are in this stage, you may feel resigned to your current state or believe that you have no control over your behavior.

I pray wisdom bring a solution along with recognition of a problem.

In some cases, people in this stage do not understand that their behavior is damaging or are under-informed about the consequences of their actions.

May I not suffer  the fullness of consequences as mercy from God while  He teaches me these things.

Give me a pat!

10/3/2014 11:37:40 AM

Filed under: diary — dogetty at 6:43 pm on Friday, October 3, 2014  Tagged ,

Rent $175 + Trash $9 + Billing $3.25 + Water $18.18 + Sewer $49.24 + 7 days from last month @ $5.83 = $295.50

There is a balance owed by VHA remaining from last month

Give me a pat!

10/3/2014 6:18:15 PM

Filed under: diary — dogetty at 6:04 pm on Friday, October 3, 2014  Tagged , , , , , ,

Got Nolan while Melanie took Victoria to school, took a walk with him and Jack Jack, let him see the birds, fed the cat and dog, put Nolan down for nap, wrote in journal, buffed juku, computer maintinence, scheduled hair washing, cleaned up a little here and there, looked at rent amount online (crazy messed up amount) gtg… Nolan awake.

Give me a pat!

10/3/2014 1:49:50 PM

Filed under: diary — dogetty at 2:20 pm on Friday, October 3, 2014

Ate Breakfast, started a load of laundry, swept kitchen, buffed juku, did a couple scenes on Pearls Peril, said good morning to Cookie and his daughter (unnamed parakeets), gave Michah her breakfast, went for a short walk, avoided a bath (which I still have to do) …. augh!

Give me a pat!

11/18/2014 3:38:10 PM

Filed under: diary — dogetty at 6:29 am on Friday, October 3, 2014  Tagged , , ,



Key elements of WRAP®:

Wellness Toolbox

organization, make up, perfume, iron and fold clothes, make bed, decorate house, exercise, hot tub social, affirmations, deep breathing exercises, fairy garden, attending college, Michah time, poker or other game, arts and crafts, daily color, pray, read or listen to a book, make doctor appointments, walk, Progressive Relaxation Technique, count sounds or clock ticking, Mindfulness Tools; Tap Method counting past thoughts/ future thoughts/ imaginary thoughts/present thoughts, (goal is not to tap for Here and Now, Welcome Self, collect good memories; rocks/ photos/ journal, stone throwing a word to release bad memories, soothing sounds, ocean sounds in a shell, parakeets to wake me up in the morning, write down memories to release them, feed animals, train Michah and parakeets, Mindfulness Meditation (Here and Now) identify things around me naming them one at a time, Assigned Pity Time, get out of the house every day, eat a nutritious meal, devotion time, structure time, work on WRAP®, check in with family, light candles, me time, gratitude list, self-talk recording, volunteer, gnomes therapy,

Things I Need To Avoid To Stay Well

argumentative people, isolation, bad boundaries, sleeping too much, inactivity, thinking about the past, missing medications, binging, poor sleeping habits, neglecting To Do List, poor nutrition,

Daily Maintenance Plan

socialize, Friday nights with HVWMM, church, church choir, The Messiah, and other singing opportunities, say hello to people, play Bingo on Wednesday at Elmer’s, call the ladies that have given you their phone number, have MM over for dinner twice a month, keep a schedule, organize something in each room every day, log activity in calendar and set reoccurrences for follow up housekeeping activity, set WRAP® and counseling appointments for the same day each week, set a more time each day to do math, exercise three times a week, write at least a snippet in journal and post it here, take medication, take a brisk walk every morning at 8:00 AM to wake up, welcome self, eat well,

Grounding Exercises

listen to clock tick and count noises

walk six steps with eyes closed on the way to mailbox

deep breathing

doing activity that absorbs your attention

Core Mindfulness Exercises

Deep Breathing

Identifying Triggers and an Action Plan

knock at the door

Use These “WHAT” skills from Core Mindfulness Skills to identify the emotion, identify if it is from the past and go look out the peep hole before answering the door to make sure there is not actual threat.

open blinds when; trying to sleep (my limbs hanging off the bed), sitting at computer, or reading at night

Use These “WHAT” skills from Core Mindfulness Skills to identify the emotion, identify if it is from the past and close blinds, pray, and practice for choir

walking down the street  or sitting near an open window thinking about being shot in the head, police uniforms, police cars, court houses, airstream campers, silver spoons

Use These “WHAT” skills from Core Mindfulness Skills to identify the emotion, identify if it is from the past and practice Here and Now exercise naming things one at a time in the current environment, practice a selected Progressive Relaxation Technique

things Dolly gave me

things that remind me of CPS

checking the mail

washing dishes

lying down for bed and thinking about writing a To Do List

hearing foot steps behind me when walking

yelling or loud arguing

Identifying Early Warning Signs and an Action Plan

off schedule or not having one, not wanting to sleep or not being able to sleep,

not eating right

not exercising


eating too much

spending excessive amounts of money

increased pain

automatic deep breathing

not remembering where I put things when I thought I put them away in a safe place

jerking awake

elevated heart rate

not wanting to go outside and keeping windows closed even when it is stuffy

talking to myself and pacing

avoiding everything

feeling so anxious that I dig my finger nail into my thumb and don’t feel it till it hurts

Identifying When Things Are Breaking Down and an Action Plan

far, far away feeling

not able to stop pacing and talking to myself even if I try

sleeping all the time

wanting to be left alone

an event that causes severe stress

not feeling anything

crying all the time, obsessed with negative thoughts, an event that causes strong grief reaction, slamming doors and yelling at people who are not there, dissociation

Observing & Describing Thoughts Exercise (Fulton State Hospital, 2004, p. 17)

Instructions: Right after you experience a difficult situation involving another person, complete this exercise in order to observe and describe your thoughts.

Prompting Event: ________________________________________________________________

Feelings (and their intensity): _____Mad _____Sad _____Glad _____Scared _____Ashamed

List thoughts:



Can you identify any MUSTS? ______________________________________________________

Can you identify any SHOULDS about yourself? ________________________________________

Can you identify any SHOULDS about others or the situation? ____________________________

Pick a “should” thought and change that to a non-judgmental thought:



Crisis Planning

What I look like when not in crisis

jumping at normal noises I’m used to or a knock at the door

racing thoughts

lapses in memory

poor coordination

holding my breath

spacing out in thoughts and not hearing what people say

not being able to concentrate on what I read or math

hygiene is not always kept up

nervous in crowds or meeting new people and looking for a way to excuse myself

I get lost easily especially when driving

I can carry on a conversation and reciprocate but my bounce from subject to subject

aware of where I am and why I’m there

have to check time and date every day

I talk over people as not to forget my thoughts with conversing

I get dizzy easily and may lose balance

forget I’m in a chat conversation or on an adventure and don’t return while taking a break

What I look like when in crisis

being in a warp and not looking before I go into traffic

not remembering who the president of the United States is

being extremely paranoid of people I usually trust

taking a long time to answer simple questions

causing pain to myself without knowing or feeling it

not sleeping for over two days

throat hurts when swallowing anything

acceptance mode and not taking action in crisis

Post Crisis Planning

Give me a pat!

Five Tips to Cure the Blues and Feel Happy Again

Filed under: diary — dogetty at 6:28 am on Friday, October 3, 2014

So you’re cranky. You don’t know why exactly, but you’re running on a short fuse. We all have those days — days when we’re worried, stressed out or angry. I definitely know those days! The below five steps are methods I’ve used get out of a funk, and they may help you as well.


1. Take a look at your feelings and emotions:

One week, I was moody for a few days. Then, I stopped what I was doing and I decided to take an honest look at my feelings. I gave myself some space to meditate. I had been avoiding the meditation part because I didn’t want to face myself. As soon as I closed my eyes, I could feel the emotions around all the things unsaid: the anger, the feelings of overwhelm that I’d been carrying around for days, situations that I couldn’t control, people that let me down. All the things I wasn’t facing and dealing with were burdening my heart.


2. Surrender:

What does surrender mean? It means giving up the fight. It means stopping ourselves from trying to figure it all out on our own. It means inviting a Power greater than ourselves to participate and shower us with love. The way I surrender is by simply talking to this Loving Power. I communicate with it very simply and get straight to the point.


For me, the conversation goes something like this: “I can’t do this anymore. Please help me.”


When we surrender, we open our hearts. The only way the light can enter us, is if we open our hearts a crack. Surrender means to issue an invitation to a Loving Power to participate with us and guide us.


3. Journal:

After my prayer, I spent a few minutes journaling. I wrote about anything and everything that was bothering me inside. Then I took all the things that bothered me, all the things I feared, and I placed those words into the light through a visualization. I imagined all those situations surrounded by a bright white and golden light.


Journaling is a great tool to use to get clarity about what we’re feeling and to let those feelings come out of us, so they don’t drag us down.


4. Meditate:

After I journaled, I went back to meditate. Now I was feeling open, vulnerable and ready to receive. The way I meditate is also very simple. I call it the Loving Meditation. It doesn’t involve much. I simply close my eyes and I lift my awareness up into the center of my head. I just focus my attention up there and I invite the Loving Power to fill me up with its light and loving energy.


As I focus on receiving that energy, I start feeling fulfilled, peaceful and content. I then share the energy with the Source that it came from.


Meditation is an act of giving and receiving the movement of Loving.


And last, but not least…


5. Be gentle with yourself:

Be accepting of where you are in this moment. Don’t put yourself down for not being in the space you want to be. Just accept that you are feeling this way so that you can start the process of inviting the Love in.


If you are feeling down, angry or sad, I invite you to try these processes out:


- Give yourself a quiet time and space to look at your emotions and thoughts.


- Surrender: Invite the Loving Power to participate with you.


- Journal about the thoughts and feelings that bring you worry or heartache.


- Meditate: Simply focus on the Loving energy that comes from above.


- Be gentle with yourself.


I’d love to hear from you now. What steps do you take to get out of a funk?


Mercedes Maidana is a Motivational Speaker and Business and Abundance Life Coach. She guides women to launch and improve their businesses, go for their dreams, and take action steps to live life to their highest potential. Continue the conversation with Mercedes and learn more about her work on Facebook and Instagram.

For additional tips on inviting more happiness into your life, you can download my free audio “The 5 Keys to Manifesting Your Dream Life.”

Follow Mercedes Maidana on Twitter:        


Give me a pat!

10/1/2014 9:00:27 PM

Filed under: diary — dogetty at 6:28 am on Friday, October 3, 2014  Tagged , , , , , ,

GOAL: Brainstorming to ge to TO DO LIST

Go to library to see new environment

Make flyer in Spanish

Get ID from DSHS

Schedule hug time with Michah

Look up Wheel of Recovery

Sort two boxes a day and one drawer

Housekeeping schedule on Personal Schedule or Work

Pamper time for PM rutine

Meal planning time two new recipies a month “Louisiana Cajun Gumbo”

LOUISIANA Cajun Gumbo Mix

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LOUISIANA Cajun Gumbo Mix

Description Related Products Nutrition/ Ingredients

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Unit Size: 5 oz. (142g)

LOUISIANA CHICKEN & SAUSAGE GUMBO Steps: Pre-cook 2-3 lbs. of chicken and/or sausage. In a 4 quart pot add 2 to 2-1/2 quarts of cold chicken stock or water to LOUISIANA Gumbo Mix. When mix is dissolved, cover and bring to a boil. Reduce heat. Serve over cooked rice.

LOUISIANA SEAFOOD GUMBO Steps: In a 4 quart pot, combine 2 quarts of water and LOUISIANA Gumbo Mix. Mix well and bring to a boil. Add 2 lbs. of seafood, bring back to a rolling boil for 3 to 4 minutes. Remove from heat. (If oysters are desired, add at this time.) Let stand covered for at least 30 minutes or longer. Serve over cooked rice.

Check out our delicious Turducken products for your holiday gathering! Or, for your next spring party may we suggest throwing a crawfish boil or shrimp boil. You may want to add some boudin and andouille, to spice it up! Let CajunGrocer serve your Creole and Cajun food needs.

I am the architect of my life; I build its foundation and choose its contents.

Met with Terry and worked on describing what i look like when I’m not in crisis so I don’t get treated for my regular behavior if hospitalized.

She said Clearview will contact me for my employment needs.

She will check her junk folder for my email.

WRAP grounding exercise: HTWM, I went outside to get my companion pet, Michah, and hold her and meditate on nothing but kitty loveliness.  She helps me escape the sadness inside. But today, after about a minute, when Nolan pulled her tail, she wanted down. I did get a good snuggle in, though. For a spit second I was totally into the moment where i thought about nothing but her claws and furry paws up against my face. As, I put her out the window I felt goose bumps on my arms and a nauseous sensation in my tummy. I hate returning to how I normally feel

10/2/2014 8:37:01 PM

Filed under: diary — dogetty at 6:26 am on Friday, October 3, 2014  Tagged , , ,

The Stages of Change

Stage 1 – Precontemplation

The earliest stage of change is known as precontemplation. During the precontemplation stage, people are not considering a change. People in this stage are often described as “in denial” due to claims that their behavior is not a problem.  If you are in this stage, you may feel resigned to your current state or believe that you have no control over your behavior. In some cases, people in this stage do not understand that their behavior is damaging or are under-informed about the consequences of their actions.

Stage 2 – Contemplation

If you are in this stage, begin by asking yourself some questions. Have you ever tried to change this behavior in the past? How do you recognize that you have a problem? What would have to happen for you to consider your behavior a problem? During this stage, people become more and more aware of the potential benefits of making a change, but the costs tend to stand out even more. This conflict creates a strong sense of ambivalence about changing.

Because of this uncertainty, the contemplation stage of change can last months or even years. In fact, many people never make it past the contemplation phase. During this stage, you may view change as a process of giving something up rather than a means of gaining emotional, mental, or physical benefits. If you are contemplating a behavior change, there are some important questions to ask yourself: Why do you want to change? Is there anything preventing you from changing? What are some things that could help you make this change?

Stage 3 – Preparation

During the preparation stage, you might begin making small changes to prepare for a larger life change. For example, if losing weight is your goal, you might switch to lower-fat foods. If your goal is to quit smoking, you might switch brands or smoke less each day. You might also take some sort of direct action such as consulting a therapist, joining a health club, or reading self-help books.

If you are in the preparation stage, there are some steps you can take to improve your chances of successfully making a lasting life change. Gather as much information as you can about ways to change your behavior. Prepare a list of motivating statements and write down your goals. Find outside resources such as support groups, counselors or friends who can offer advice and encouragement.

Stage 4 – Action

During the fourth stage of change, people begin taking direct action in order to accomplish their goals. Oftentimes, resolutions fail because the previous steps have not been given enough thought or time.

For example, many people make a New Year’s Resolution to lose weight and immediately start a new exercise regimen, begin eating a healthier diet, and cut back on snacks. These definitive steps are vital to success, but these efforts are often abandoned in a matter of weeks because the previous steps have been overlooked.

If you are currently taking action towards achieving a goal, congratulate and reward yourself for any positive steps you take. Reinforcement and support are extremely important in helping maintain positive steps toward change. Take the time to periodically review your motivations, resources, and progress in order to refresh your commitment and belief in your abilities.

Stage 5 – Maintenance

The maintenance phase of the Stages of Change Model involves successfully avoiding former behaviors and keeping up new behaviors. During this stage, people become more assured that they will be able to continue their change.

If you are trying to maintain a new behavior, look for ways to avoid temptation. Try replacing old habits with more positive actions. Reward yourself when you are able to successfully avoid a relapse. If you do lapse, don’t be too hard on yourself or give up. Instead, remind yourself that it was just a minor setback. As you will learn in the next stage, relapses are common and are a part of the process of making a lifelong change.

Next: Stage 6 – Relapse

In any behavior change, relapses are a common occurrence. When you go through a relapse, you might experience feelings of failure, disappointment, and frustration.

The key to success is to not let these setbacks undermine your self-confidence. If you lapse back to an old behavior, take a hard look at why it happened. What triggered the relapse? What can you do to avoid these triggers in the future?

While relapses can be difficult, the best solution is to start again with the preparation, action, or maintenance stages of behavior change. You might want to reassess your resources and techniques. Reaffirm your motivation, plan of action, and commitment to your goals. Also, make plans for how you will deal with any future temptations.

Resolutions fail when the proper preparation and actions are not taken. By approaching a goal with an understanding of how to best prepare, act and maintain a new behavior, you will be more likely to succeed.

Understanding The Cycle of Change, And How People React To It

Filed under: diary — dogetty at 6:09 am on Friday, October 3, 2014  Tagged , , ,

Understanding The Cycle of Change, And How People React To It

Robert Bacal is a noted author, keynote speaker, and management consultant. You can view his bestselling books by going to the Bacal book listings here. In this article Robert outlines some of the basic elements and principles needed by managers, executives, and supervisors, in understanding how people react to change, and managing the workplace change process.

Managers often make the mistake of assuming that once a change is started, that employees will see that it is going to take place, and get on side. This is rarely the case. Because change causes fear, a sense of loss of the familiar, etc., it takes some time for employees to a) understand the meaning of the change and b) commit to the change in a meaningful way. It is important to understand that people tend to go through stages in their attempts to cope with change. Understanding that there are normal progressions helps change leaders avoid under-managing change or over-reacting to resistance.

As we go through the stages, you will probably find many similarities with the process a person goes through with the loss of a loved one.

Stage I: Denial

An early strategy that people use to cope with change is to deny that it is happening, or to deny that it will continue or last. Common responses during this stage are:

“I’ve heard these things before. Remember last year they announced the new customer initiative? Nothing ever happened, and this will pass.”

“It’s just another hair-brained idea from the top.”

“I bet this will be like everything else. The head honcho will be real gung-ho but in about six months everything will be back to normal. You’ll see.”

“I’ll believe it when I see it.”

People in the denial stage are trying to avoid dealing with the fear and uncertainty of prospective change. They are hoping they won’t have to adapt.

The denial stage is difficult because it is hard to involve people in planning for the future, when they will not acknowledge that the future is going to be any different than the present.

People tend to move out of the denial stage when they see solid, tangible indicators that things ARE different. Even with these indicators some people can remain in denial for some time.

Stage II: Anger & Resistance

When people can no longer deny that something is or has happened, they tend to move into a state of anger, accompanied by covert and/or over resistance. This stage is the most critical with respect to the success of the change implementation. Leadership is needed to help work through the anger, and to move people to the next stage. If leadership is poor, the anger at this stage may last indefinitely, perhaps much longer than even the memory of the change itself.

People in this stage tend to say things like:

“Who do they think they are? Jerking us around”

“Why are they picking on us?”

“What’s so damned bad about the way things are?

“How could [you] the boss allow this to happen?

Actually people say far stronger things, but we need to be polite.

Stage III: Exploration & Acceptance

This is the stage where people begin to get over the hump. They have stopped denying, and while they may be somewhat angry, the anger has moved out of the spotlight. They have a better understanding of the meaning of the change and are more willing to explore further, and to accept the change. They act more open-mindedly, and are now more interested in planning around the change and being participants in the process.

People in this stage say things like:

“Well, I guess we have to make the best of it.”

“Maybe we can get through this.”

“We need to get on with business.”

Stage IV: Commitment

This is the payoff stage, where people commit to the change, and are willing to work towards making it succeed. They know it is a reality, and at this point people have adapted sufficiently to make it work. While some changes will never get endorsement from employees (downsizing, for example) employees at this stage will commit to making the organization effective within the constraints that have resulted from the change.

Concluding Points

Let’s conclude with some key points:

1)        The change process takes a considerable amount of time to stabilize and to work. Don’t undermanage by assuming it will “work itself out” and don’t over-react when faced with reasonable resistance.

2)        Worry if there is no resistance. If the change is significant it means that people are hiding their reactions. Eventually the reactions that are not dealt with will fester and can destroy the organization. Likewise with anger.

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